Some things to know about me...

I let my emotions get the best of me. That little part of me gets me into some pretty bad situations. But its done so many wonderfull things too, so I'm not sure if I want to control them.
I lie. Alot. Probably every little thing you know about me is a lie, unless I consider you a close friend. I'll only tell the truth when I feel like it, or if I really trust the person.
I fall in and out of love so easily its not even funny. Currently, I'm pretty sure I'm in love with three people. One who I have to wait three and a half years for, one who says they like me but act like they don't give a damn, and one who destroys me. Geat matches, eh?
I text when I feel alone and hopeless and it kills me when people don't respond. If your doing something, or just can't talk or have to go, tell me that, don't just wait until I get pissed off because I think youre ignoring me. I jump to conclusions.
I barely ever shut up because silence makes me feel like I've failed.
I'm insecure, and most of the people around me make me like that. Thanks alot. Actually, I never really had problems till I met a bunch of my friends. Isn't that sad?
I've been depressed for a long time, I still am. Half the time, I don't even know why.
I'm scared someone close to me will kill themself and it'll be all my fault.
I've done some pretty lowly and whore-ish things to get attention. I don't know why I just can't stand being unnoticed. I should probably work on that.
I don't want to have sex. The thought ouf it pretty much scares the hell out of me. Why? I have no clue.
My parents are both overweight and hate it, which makes me terrified of gaining weight.
I live part time at my grandparents. I see them die a little every time I'm with them. I'm worried I'm going to come home and they'll both be dead in those stupid green chairs and the cats will be eating their rotting flesh. I get so mad at my grandpa when he forgets who I am, but I get furious when he knows who I am, but not my dad. Who could forget their own child?
I want to help people. I want them to open up to me. Usually when I open up to them in hopes they'll reciprocate, they either won't and cease all or most contact, or use it against me. This make me very sad. Sometimes I'll do stupid things to try and make people happy. Alot who realize this abuse it. I wish they knew what it felt like.


Why Am I telling you all this? Because maybe if I write and pretend people will actually read it, I won't feel so depressed. Maybe because I just need to get this shit written down so its out of my head. Maybe it's in vain hope that someone whose just as miserable will tell me it's going to be okay and leave me inspired. Maybe it's because i feel like someone is listening and I'm not so alone. Maybe.